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Tuesday, October 19, 2010

तीन त्रिवेणी- 10

1. झुंझलाते, लड़ते जो तुमने कहा था
आधी कच्ची नींद में जो मैंने सुना था

बात शायद अब तक अधूरी है?

2. हर आहट पर
मुड कर मैंने पीछे देखा

हसी तुम्हारी अब तक गुदगुदा रही है!

3. सूरज फीका लगता है
चाँद भी ठंडा लगता है

तुम्हारे हाथों की गर्मी में पूरी तरह से पिघल गई हूँ!

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Tarang Sinha said...

Someone had told me that if you can't conclude a story in 200 words then you even can't complete it in 2000 words. You're the perfect example of "concluding in short". Your above poem is good but it could be a single poem instead of collection of 3 poems. And if you don't mind I would advise you to change the word "Chand". Chand to waise bhi thanda hi hota hai. It is just an opinion so, don't take it otherwise.

Rachana said...


thanks for your comment. The above poems are written in 'triveni'format which is developed by eminent poet, Gulzar. Please go through the link to know more about 'Triveni'



Tarang Sinha said...

Yeah, I've seen one more blog featuring "Triveni". Interesting!

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